A New Way To “Wipe Out”


When it comes to getting away with things — especially things of the illegal, may-land-you-in-jail variety — the recipe for avoiding trouble usually includes a good dose of creativity and a whole heck of a lotta “well … here goes nothin’.”
Thirty-nine-year-old Iowa resident Ross McDonald, arrested after a night of Halloween debauchery, is no exception to the rule. At around 3 a.m., officers pulled McDonald over after he was driving the wrong direction on a one-way street. Officers observed he seemed very confused, was slurring his words and couldn’t seem to remember where he was coming from — so it didn’t take long for them to realize our subject was driving under the influence.

Additionally, aside from his unsteady balance and bloodshot eyes, the officers also noticed McDonald had chosen to wear only a trench coat as his “costume.” After he failed the field sobriety tests, the Iowa state officers decided a trip to the precinct was in order. However, McDonald, who also happened to already have two DUI’s under his belt, just couldn’t take being charged with another. So this is where the “here’s goes nothin’” part of the story comes into play.

Once at the police station, McDonald refused to take a breathalyzer. Fair enough, but while officers were busy getting him booked, he proceeded to eat the better portion of an entire toilet paper roll in hopes it would “wipe out” any incriminating test results.

Despite devouring this unexpected, state-provided “blue plate special,” McDonald eventually blew a .165 — twice the legal blood alcohol limit. His antics landed him with a felony, punishable by up to five years in prison, and a belly full of TP as the icing on his drunktank cake. McDonald was released on a $5,000 bail; however, something tells us he’ll be back for another helping.