The Brief Happy Life Of The “Ninja Bandit”

Michael Wehbe, a 20-year-old clerk at a Dairy Queen in Las Vegas, was duly impressed when a masked man waving a samurai sword burst into the place late last August and announced a holdup. Even in Vegas, you just don’t get too many robberies committed by ninja bandits, ya know? But the thought of being sliced and diced really gets your attention.

To add a little note of urgency to his demands, our crime king — or maybe our “crime shogun” — began wildly hacking at the cash register with his sword while Michael was trying desperately to pull money out of it. That’s when Mike’s big brother, 23-year-old Christian Wehbe, decided the fun and games had gone far enough.

Christian had been waiting for his little brother in the back of the store and watched the heist get hairy on the surveillance camera monitor. When Christian determined the samurai suspect was maybe crazy, in addition to being larcenous, he stepped out and popped the perp with his 9mm pistol.

The result was pretty predictable, further illustrating the old rule that one should never bring just a knife — no matter how big it is — to a gunfight. The ninja was hauled to a hospital where he expired shortly.

I Hate Reruns

Police in Lorain, Ohio, got the feeling they were looking at reruns of the same video they’d seen before, but nope — it was a repeat of five or six almost-identical burglaries.

The surveillance videos were of a series of ongoing break-ins at a Sunoco gas station convenience store showing the same suspect, an 18-year-old male, forcing entry and then stealing the same thing every time. He was cleaning out the supply of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. No, nothing else — just the Reese’s.

The suspect was still at large at press time, but officers are on the lookout for clues. Like, maybe a dumpster full of empty Reese’s wrappers.

The Tables Are Turned

In the remote little town of Vaughn, N.M., which is proudly situated “in the middle of nowhere,” the “open-carry” firearms right is routinely exercised by lots of Vaughn’s 500 residents. Apparently, all but two of the denizens of Vaughn are allowed to carry, and to carry openly. The only two people known to be forbidden to pack heat are the town’s two cops.

Chief Ernesto Armijo was convicted of nonsupport of an ex-wife and two sons, and a condition of his probation prohibits possession of firearms. Deputy Brian Bernal, convicted of domestic violence, is barred by federal law from owning a gun.
Fortunately, crime is pretty rare in Vaughn, and if there’s trouble, there are lots of armed citizens the police can call for help.

Not-So-Funny Money

At the Darien Lake Theme Park in Darien, N.Y., a clerk at a snack food stand took one look at the $50 bill handed to him in payment for an order of French fries and called the county sheriff’s office. When deputies arrived, it only took them a quick glance to deem the bill “not-so-funny money,” and set off in search of the suspect.

When they found 35-year-old Larry Jones of Buffalo, he was munchin’ those fries and protesting that he didn’t know nothin’ from nothin’ about any bogus bill. He said the $50 was part of his fee for a remodeling job. That story might have worked if first, he didn’t have a wad of other counterfeit bills in his pocket, and second, as he was being led away, he hadn’t suddenly stuffed ’em in his mouth and started madly chewing like a cow on crack. This tended to erode his claim of innocence, we’re thinking. The deputies thought so, too.

In a classic case of biting off more than he could chew, the size of his wad prevented him from swallowing the evidence, and the deputies weren’t buying him a beer to wash it down. They recovered more than enough to charge Larry on counterfeiting offenses.

Bureau Of Alcohol, Tobacco & Cars

So, how many guns do you keep in inventory? And what’s the average price of those guns? And just how upset does ATF get when you lose one? And oh yeah, how much is the cost of the average new car? The government of Miami-Dade County in Florida should be glad there’s no Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Cars.

In April 2012, a county employee discovered 298 brand-new vehicles in storage — which the county had purchased in 2006 and 2007 and apparently forgotten about. They were never used.

The report didn’t say if any could be started up without new batteries and tune-ups, or how many were sitting on long-flat and worthless tires.
By Commander Gilmore

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