Saving The Nation From Frosted Cupcakes

Rebecca Hains really likes cupcakes. She even travels with a little emergency cupcake supply, neatly tucked away in a crushproof container, so the frosting doesn’t get smooshed.

But how could she ever dare to try slipping such a dangerous weapon of sugary destruction (WSD) past our ever-vigilant Transportation Security Agency (TSA) screeners?

Rebecca, a communications professor at Salem (Mass.) State University, was pulled out of the line at McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas. A TSA agent told her the frosting on her cupcake violated the “liquids and gels” prohibition, because it was “very gel-like.”

Hains told reporters that the agent didn’t seem at all concerned that the cupcake might actually be explosive. In fact, he told her she could eat it before being cleared to board, as long as she ate it outside the security screening area. We presume he wouldn’t want her munching it in the airport — or suddenly lighting and throwing it — if the frosting were really plastic explosive. The issue was not whether it was an explosive or not, only that it sorta fit the regulatory language.

“I just thought this was terrible logic,” she said. The poor soul didn’t realize that logic cannot be allowed to interfere with federal regulations!

Rebecca wisely surrendered her deadly cupcake to federal authorities, thus potentially saving the United States of America from a possible technical violation of regulations, strictly interpreted, maybe, sorta.

We have only two questions for TSA: What flavor was that frosting? And was it yummy?
Story By Commander Gilmore

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