Criminal Detention At Its Finest

Last November, following a shooting in Fort Bend County, Texas, investigators were initially pleased there were several witnesses who saw the shooter’s “face.” The problem was, the face they saw was one of a man wearing a full-face, lifelike Halloween mask. Undaunted, they brought in a sketch artist who, with the help of the eyewitnesses, produced what all agreed was a pretty darn good likeness of somebody wearing that Halloween mask.

If that doesn’t seem pointless enough, not to mention the expense involved, consider the Fort Bend Sheriff’s Office then distributed the artist’s sketch to the media. A fitting statement might have read, “If you see somebody who looks like this, it might be our suspect. Then again, it might not. Call us anyway.”

Did anybody think of simply buying the same mask for maybe $5.99 and just takin’ a photo of it? Nope, makes too much sense.

Finally Got The Message

For several years, the government of Brazil has been aware of the existence of a lone tribesman living deep in the tangled forests of its western state of Rondonia. He is apparently the last surviving member of a tribe that had eluded contact, study and hordes of anthropologists eager to “discover” them. He has been seen on rare occasions, and detected by airborne heat-and-movement sensors, but the last human spotter who got a glimpse of him also got an arrow in his chest. We think that was the Lone Ranger’s way of saying, “Leave me alone, will ya?”

Now Brazilian officials have decided to do just that. They have marked off the approximately 31 square miles that seem to form the Lone Ranger’s hunting grounds, and are taking steps to assure nobody trespasses to bother him — or collect arrows the hard way. Other than a flyover with sensors now and then to determine if he’s still alive, the policy is — leave him alone!
I wonder how I can get into a program like that …

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August 2011

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