Care For A Little Pepper With Your Package, Sir?

In San Francisco, Sonya Yu and her neighbors were fed up with an arrogant thief stealing delivered parcels off their porches, sometimes while they helplessly watched. In the “peoples’ peaceful paradise” of Frisco, their options were very limited. But finally, with Christmas coming and parcel thefts rising, Sonya had enough. She placed a “bait” package on her porch and laid in ambush with a spray can of pepper bear repellant and her wooden bokken, a training sword used in Kendo, the samurai art of sword fighting.

Just minutes later, her smug package-snatcher stopped by on his regular route and grabbed Sonya’s package. He might have chuckled once or twice as he lifted it, but we’re betting his grin disappeared when Sonya hosed him down with bruin-strength pepper spray. He managed to run away, but Sonya dashed after him with her bokken and bear spray — and actually began tweeting details of the event to her pals on Twitter!

“I got him with the bear spray, but he escaped!” she tweeted, then minutes later added, “I’m putting him under arrest right now with four cops.” As her adventure continued, she proudly tweeted “… Cops have him and I just confirmed ID. He is being taken away in an ambulance cuz of the bear spray I doused him with. Cops were cracking up when they arrived to see me and my weapons.”

Andy Anduha, 51, was identified as the suspect. He was found to be carrying a knife. The bear spray Sonya used on him also painted him bright orange, the same color as jailhouse paper suits.

Easy Day’s Work For Police Dog

If they had just taken the cash and left the pizza behind, four suspects probably would have gotten away with their crime.
On New Year’s Eve in Cahokia, Ill., a pizza delivery man was robbed by two men and two women who said they had a gun and made the appropriate threats. He handed over all the cash he had, but they wanted the pizza, too. Their hunger proved to be their downfall.

The police officer who responded was accompanied by his K-9 partner, who jumped out of the cruiser, sniffed the air, and promptly trotted off down the street. Officers simply followed him to a nearby residence where they arrested all four suspects, who are now charged with aggravated robbery.

Next time, take the money and go buy your own pizza, idiots.

Procuring Evidence

When Florida Highway Patrol officers hit the party lights and pulled 68-year-old Leslie Newton over for driving like a carnival clown, it didn’t take ’em long to develop the suspicion that he may have been involved in an unreported accident. The front of his vehicle was smashed up, and a piece of a traffic sign was embedded in his skull. They also suspected he might be intoxicated — like, to the point of being unaware his noggin was holding evidence.

Abuse Of Python?

It was a first in West Springfield, Mass. — logging into the evidence locker a hot, wet, dead python as a weapon used in an assault.
When Keith Paro, 34, got into a fight with his girlfriend, he apparently grabbed the first weapon at hand to give her a beatin’. That just happened to be his pet 4-foot-long python, and she just happened to be in their hot tub. She suffered bruises on her back, stomach, arms and legs, and a severe case of ophidiophobia: fear of snakes. The unnamed python suffered unspecified internal injuries and, ummm … cooking.

When Keith’s arm got tired, he tossed his snake into the hot tub, where it expired. He was charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, malicious destruction of property, and cruelty to animals.

Police Captain Thomas Wilkinson said the case was “a little unusual.” He’s either a master of understatement, or West Springfield is freakier than we thought.

Priority Mail Anyone?

Employees of the Scranton, Penn., Times-Tribune received a large cardboard tube in the mail last December 31, and thought for a moment they had themselves a nice new calendar for the new year. It was a calendar all right, but it was one for the year 1950.

The calendar was delivered without comment by the mail carrier. It was still in great shape — just 63 years out of date. The Pennsylvania Railroad calendar was addressed to James Flanagan, the former general manager of the Scranton Times, who died in December 1949.

So, there’s still hope that you’ll receive that cashier’s check that was lost in the mail in 1974. Look for it sometime in 2037.
By Commander Gilmore

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